BLOODY HELL. I haven't done one of these in ages. I think the times when I want to do them most are when I have the most work on? Like, I currently have to write a 10,000 word dissertation on queer femme identities in literature of the twentieth century and a 4,000 word essay on the fragile/nonexistent? boundaries between human, animal and machine and the ways in which they are massively problematised by sexuality in literature (and a couple of films). I am very excited about both of these but I'm at the stage now where I really need to start writing them properly and I just ... don't want to. I just want my degree to be the fuck over now. I've spent four years either working on it or bumming myself out because I haven't been working on it; I can't fucking wait 'til it's done and I don't have that big pressure hanging over me and I can get a job (god willing) that I don't have to think about outside of working hours and I can read what I actually want to read without feeling guilty and I can have money for lots more tattoos and a keyboard the same length as a piano and lessons in the same and little holidays with Corin and hours to spend with my wonderful, wonderful friends where I'm not frequently thinking I SHOULD BE WORKING. I am so glad I decided to postpone starting my MA (read: realised I did not have the financial means to pay for one just yet). I just need a break. And the prospect of one is such a relief. I want to make my life better: I want to exercise because I like endorphins and I want to eat better because I feel better about myself when I'm slimmer than I am at the moment and I want to go on slutwalks and work on my voice and buy some really awesome underwear. Of course, I can start doing some of these things now, and I have; I just want the lift that will come when I know I've done all the academic work I need to for now. After my last exam on the 20th of May I am going to give myself at least three days in which I will only have fun before relocating my stress to finding a job. I think that will be nice.