I know it's a lie; I want it to be true.

I'm listening to 'Fantasies' by Metric for the first time in at least a month - most of my recent attention has been on Amanda Palmer-related enterprises - and once again I'm struggling to pinpoint why exactly I find the line 'I'm not suicidal/I just can't get out of bed' in Satellite Mind so fucking liberating. I expect it has a lot to do with the trajectory of the notes but it's more than that. If a line can be described as an anthem it felt like an anthem for my house over the summer; depression effects many of our friends, including me, so this was a personal response to the lyrics as well as gelling with the tune. But there's more to it than that; there's a reason everyone yelled along to it from other rooms, and a reason it makes me shiver now. I feel like I'm not explaining this as eloquently as I'd like but, then, that's a constant concern, so it probably doesn't matter since it isn't going to change any time soon. Perhaps it can be reduced to something as simple as the lyrics themselves - the urge to stay in bed does not equate to a life that doesn't ever feel worth living and, after all, it is nice to be able to not only say but sing that you aren't suicidal. Perhaps it's as simple as that. Today was surprising in one of the best ways possible. We were meant to have an Amazon Molly band practice in preparation for a last-minute gig slot on Wednesday, but Sof was asleep and Tom was at a performance and Nat had realised she couldn't commit to playing with us, so I tromped down to Staffy's house to tell Mr. Danni the news, to find him and Staffy jamming in the basement. A beer and some previously very latent confidence later, we were Penis Colada and we were going to play our first gig on Wednesday. To be fair they do most of it - singing and guitaring while I fuck about on the keyboard, less badly than I thought I would but still hardly spectacularly - but it's still pretty exciting. I'm most proud of the fact that I took a risk and allowed myself to realise that I am actually better at Playing Instruments than I thought I was; obviously I want to be miles better than I am, but what means other than practice is going to get me there? Exactly. It's a bit cobbled together but I think it's going to be fun. Also, since Staffy vetoed Penis Colada we are for the time being Period Drama (she didn't really go for that, either, but Danni had to email the dude organising the gig to let him know who exactly was playing so said, unless she could think of a better name before he did it, that was what we were going to be, at least for the time being). I, obviously, intend to rhyme the two if we ever get 'round to writing our own songs. For now, we are covering songs by Staffy, Tiny Tin Lady, Dolly Parton, and others. I am pleased.