Cherry cherry boom boom

1. Lady Gaga says 'cherry cherry boom boom' in a lot of songs. I find this intriguing and kind of want to emulate it with a phrase I would find equally confusing if it weren't me singing it.
2. 'Starstruck' is one of my new favourite songs. I love the sprinkly synthy bits so much - they're so pretty <3
3. I have been fantasising a lot about getting a Gaga piano book and playing songs on my (suddenly working in my fantasies) keyboard at a Feline Groovy open mic sesh. So much?
4. I HAVE JUST FOUND OUT THAT ALISON GOLDFRAPP HAS A WOMAN PARTNER?!?! I mean, I just can't explain what that means to me. I love her. So. Much. And obviously this doesn't mean I'm "in with a chance" slash that's a really horrible way to think about people but I like to think it does. Guiltily.
5. It's been troubling me recently that I'm actually really sexist? Case in point: the other day Corin and I went to a computer cluster on campus and there was a fuck-off white van parked in the MIDDLE of the path outside the building we needed with its doors wide open so it was difficult to get through, and there were two men sat inside eating. After sidling past and getting to the cluster it became apparent that it was being refurbished and so totally wasn't open for Facebook-starved us, and as we left (and joined that day's graduation melee - GOD WHY DO THEY ALL DRESS THE SAME I NEVER WANT TO SEE A FLORAL DRESS AGAIN) I complained to Corin that a. the men had parked the car all up in our grill and b. they didn't bother telling us that the cluster was actually closed and were therefore rude, boorish and entitled scum. She asked me if I'd be saying that if they'd been women and I ashamedly looked at the floor. I mean, I relayed this to Dani just now (SHE CAME OVER IT WAS GREAT) and she was like, but, DIY women painters in vans = hawt, which I suppose is correct, but still, I am beginning to feel very guilty and heteromasculine. Which I do not want to be under any circumstances. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME slash how much of a problem is it? Am I exaggerating? I don't even know.

Basically a massive whinge

I just had an AWESOME TIME reading lots of blogs I haven't read in ages (Sof Jacques Faith Allie Brosh bit of Angry Greek think that's it) and it made me realise I haven't written in even longer, so HELLO. This shouldn't be very long, partly because I am recovering from a hypo and may sound a bit insane at points because of this, and partly because I get v. limited internet time these days what with not having it in my house and I am meant to be sorting out All The Bills for next year. But I can't right now because I am not fully lucid.

Basically my life recently has been mostly crap with moments of awesomeness. I moved house, and tidied and cleaned everything with only two of my housemates, and am the only person in my current house so have to do lots of things there too. I have yet to unpack hardly anything and the house is a tip because of this. I have to organise getting a first attempt resit for my Romantics exam. My mouse Annie died yesterday. Also on the same day the previous tenants cancelled Virgin so now I only have Freeview to while away my breaks with. Also I on that day I got a letter through the door asking me if I fancied a fuck and leaving a boy's name and number. I don't even know what to do about this - it's totally inappropriate and intrusive and it makes me feel really uncomfortable but it's likely that it was written by someone else so if I call the number and have a go that's like a win for the author, and even if it was written by "Tim" getting attention for it was probably the aim; since it's technically soliciting I could contact the local police but whenever I contact them (twice so far) it's always about sexual intimidation and I know this is irrational but I'm worried that if I do it for stuff that doesn't bother me as much as men following me in cars or men following right behind me up a back street with their hands in their pants then the police might start thinking I'm oversensitive and stop taking me seriously? Also, what if they could, like, be focussing on an actual rape case or something, but then I go along and am like 'I got this message which is probably a joke but I do not find it funny' and everyone's like HUMOURLESS FEMINIST and I obstruct worse things being sorted out? Not that rape really gets 'sorted out' usually but you know what I mean. Also yesterday I got a call from DEBT COLLECTORS and now I have c. 28 hours to pay a £300 bill left outstanding at our old house; Ryan and Sof can come up with their shares, I will have to contact my father for mine which is stressful but I can do it, and Tom is still on holiday (on holiday. At a time like this?! Moving time? I am cross about this and want to talk to him about it but want to do it face-to-face and can't do that until he comes back from holiday) and I tried calling his mum but have as yet had no response and argh. Debt collectors?! GOD. Then I also have to set up TV licence and internet and phone line and TV content and electricity and gas and water. And get a new mouse because they're social and it's cruel to have them by themselves unless it's necessary i.e. they are my old mouse Fran who bit the other mouse's balls off. Also I have therapy every week from which I always leave feeling better but is a lot of WORK and about which I am always apprehensive before I go in. Also I have to revise for two exams. Also I have to read as much as I can for the coming year, having done basically nothing for at least a fortnight. Also today I discovered I do not have enough money even to take a tenner out of my account.

I MEAN. I'm sorry to whine. But this is essentially my life now. Although I am obv not obliged to keep everyone up-to-date about everything. But still.

GOOD THINGS, HOWEVER: Sapphic Traffic was RAD, especially DJing fun and Sof birthday fun and seeing Faith and Ray-Ray was AWESOME, Corin is now here after only being away for a week and that's awesome and if she can get a job in Leeds she will stay for summer which would be lovely, Germany has made me interested in football?? so that's new and interesting, once my room is done it will be lovely, I like reading, I have three pretty comfy sofas in my living room, there are a few beers in the fridge for later on. There is also a lot of Friends on TV, which I appreciate, although accept that there will be less now that I have fewer channels. Julia Downes' EastEnders barbecue is coming up and that will be brilliant, I have decided. Also soon I will hopefully have money.

*frown*

So, I recognise it's possible that I'll do a one-eighty turn and not believe a word of this at some point in the future, but I'm going to say it anyway: I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about a couple of songs that several of my friends see as awesome lesbian icon flagships but I kind of see as ... like name-dropping, but the name is 'I might be a bit queer but not really LOL money.' Then they get money.

Obviously the first example is Rihanna's 'Te Amo.' I mean, it's a nice video, it's an alright song - but it isn't about queer affirmation: it's about getting into a misunderstanding with a queer woman (maybe leading her on?) and then being sad/gyrating about it. That isn't positivity to me. That's just kind of a mention and then a bit of objectifying/convenient examples. And it isn't balls-out saying 'LOOK AT ME KISSIN' LAYDEEZ' but there is a lot of laydee-on-laydee action (that lots of people I know like watching) but I just ... don't feel it.

Then there's Xtina's 'Not Myself Tonight.' I'm only just listening to Bionic now - I did mean to a long time ago because obv I am really excited about JD Samson and Sia and Peaches being on it, but then Lady GaGa happened and I suppose anyone reading this blog knows how that affected my every breath. ANYWAY, I actually find that song a bit boring - admittedly I have only listened to it a few times, but I'm finding it difficult to motivate myself to get to know it or really understanding why I should. And the whole 'I'm kissing all the boys and the girls' alongside 'I'm not myself tonight' feels insincere and appropriating. Like, this is fun and I'm doing it, but I'm not going to take any responsibility for it. And that just reminds me of Katy Perry. I mean, maybe this is just evidence of some normalisation of homosexuality and queerness - that it gets brought up, and maybe this is somewhere on the way to actually being represented without specifically and crucially heterosexist frames - but I don't really feel like I have time for it even if it is. I just feel like I've sat through this before.

On the plus side, though, Elastic Love is awesome.

Just ...

... just that the drops in Alejandro make me crazy happy. That is all.

Lady DroolDrool

A lot has happened since I last blogged. The main thing is that I am now irrevocably, unstoppably in LOVE with this woman:

I just ... she has got me like nobody. SORRY. But I literally can't listen to any other artist right now. My last.fm is abysmal. It is literally just her. AUGH. Love her. I actually had a dream last night where I was hanging out with the Scooby Gang (not the actual Scooby Gang- the Buffy Scoobies) and we were all preparing for the end of the world but nobody seemed very dedicated, and Buffy was heavily pregnant (and I kissed her), and then Buffy, Willow and I were watching the telly and it was showing Lady GaGa's new video (which I suppose was Alejandro) and suddenly GaGa leaned out of the screen (but not in a scary The Ring kind of way) and kissed me (KISSED. ME) and then she turned into Willow and I turned into Buffy and we were still kissing. It was like the ultimate fanfic experience of anyone ever, i.e. the best experience of my life.

In Other News (assuming there is any), I am trying to establish a daily working habit, which is WEIRD, but going okay. I have the biggest reading list ever for the summer, which kind of worries me with its general size, so I'm trying to read for about three hours a day. It's going pretty much to plan so far; I've not read much in the last two days, but yesterday I was doing Other Taxing Stuff and today I was travelling back to Bristol and celebrating the impending publication of my mother's first poetry collection (!!!!!!!!!!!!! how awesome slash if she wins our wikipedia race I'm going to be well fucked off) so I think it's okay to miss a bit. I'll get back on it tomorrow.

Another key part of my life recently, post-examhorror, has been Fable II. SO GOOD. I mean, I've finished the main quest now and am a bit weary of trying to raise a million gold in order to buy Fairfax Castle and destroy every single gargoyle, but for several days it was fricking RAD and I am very much looking forward to Fable III. Hooray I am making my first real foray into gaming!

I feel like I ought to add lots more to this, but there's nothing that comes to mind, really. I have already mentioned Lady GaGa; I am listening to Lady GaGa right now; earlier I was learning some Lady GaGa songs on the guitar; I recently posted an AWESOME Lady GaGa video to my Facebook feed. I think that's everything covered, really.

Fun fact!

Yesterday I discovered that the myth that women are mostly/only raped by strangers outside of the home first appeared in the eighteenth century. Turns out the emergence of the middle class in Britain and the way in which families began to change led to all this thinking that it was "natural" for women to stay at home while men went out working - and this also led to the removal of servants from the notion of the 'family' and the development of the idea of the 'housewife', which made marriage an employment contract whereby women did the work the servants would have done, except they weren't paid. So obviously it was desirable that women did not leave the physical confines of the home, and rape lies were a good way of ensuring this happened.

It's amazing to me that this myth flourishes so today when it's so OLD. Also (obviously this makes a lot of sense, but I'd never considered it this way before) it came out of a(nother) totally misogynistic and reductive imposed theory of social practice. Essentially, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYTHING slash this is quite interesting.

One mindless automaton coming up

HI. I'm a bit overwrought this afternoon because Sof and I just watched the season five finale of Buffy and it just reopened all the wounds and made me remember that there is a part of me that will always be broken whether I am aware of it or not. GOD. Buffyupset makes me so emo. Oh, well. A friend just told Sof and me that, when season five ended, she sat in the bath knocking back vodka in a Buffy shotglass sobbing. She is my new hero.

Speaking of which, I just discovered this blog and it is literally the best thing I have ever read. Peals of laughter at every entry. Buffyfanfriendwhoshallremainnameless may be my new hero, but Allie is my new god. AWE-SOME.

In Other News, I did not read as much over the holidays as I intended to so I'm in a bit of a pickle at the moment. So far this weekend I have read some inane eighteenth-century poetry by Thomas Gray and a canto and a half of Don Juan, which I'm actually really enjoying, such that I may now fancy Byron a little bit. Oh, dear. On the plus side, this means that I will read it more quickly than I thought I would. I've also inched a little more along Caleb Williams (WHEN WILL IT END) but to be honest I don't see the end being that nigh. I will be examined on it on the 26th of May. I hope I will have read it by then? And Letters Written During a Short Residence in Sweden, Norway, and Denmark. And Lyrical Ballads. Not that that should take too long. Ugh. Obviously all my posts for some time will have at least a section of obligatory workspaz. #hahaWOO

Oh, finally, I have decided to be a vegan again. Sadly this decision came literally the day after I bought a load of Quorn products, so I'm going to have a transitional period until they're eaten, and then next time I buy food it will be non-animal orientated. Most of this is all because I weighed myself the other day and was 10kg heavier than I assumed I was, which kind of led me to face up to the fact that I do not eat as healthily as I could and although I walk everywhere it isn't really enough walking to constitute regular exercise, and cutting out dairy is an excellent way of losing weight, not to mention that moral responsibility and the spectre of guilt and shame are very good ways, if not the best, of keeping me from straying back into gorging myself on eggs. Mother, if you're reading this and worrying, rest assured that I will only be a vegetarian (a very healthy vegetarian, but a vegetarian nonetheless) when I am in Bristol. Good, well. I am going to read some more Byron then read as much Hyperbole and a Half as I can.